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May 6th, 2009

Chimera Kits

Home gene-splicing kits became all the rage among children and biotech enthusiasts near the end of the 21st century on Earth. These kits allowed home users to design and grow living creatures using an outgrowth of the bioroid processes developed by Tellus Gmbh. This led to what became known alternately as the Chimera Craze, Pocket Monster Plague, Frankenstein Frenzy and other terms. In short trouble. While lockouts prevented the creation of truly dangerous pseudopets, hacks devised by the Grafter sub-culture led to a thriving black market. Black Channel vids of so-called monster cockfighting, fetish sex displays and pocket monster snuff films led the authorities to intervene. The home kits and the Grafter sub-culture vanished almost overnight after it was discovered that the Yakuza had weaponized the technology. During the Transhumanist War, the Grafters emerged from hiding on the side of the Transhumanists offering their skill with bio-facture. Today Grafters, Chimmers and Biosmashers practice their trade on the fringes and in some instances for corporate biotech firms such as QBF.
Food Networks Feed Channel in conjunction with the League of Human Nations Galactic Information Network, Pravan Foods and the Ministry of Entertainment presents...Cooking Bawapawab! with your host, Sasekweb, celebrity chef and owner of Mumbai's League-famous Karwepebsarwa Ethabbabwa.

"Hello my friends, it is my wish that you are all healthy and appropriately moist on this day. I have prepared a special treat dish for you all, yes. This dish is a favorite at my humble restaurant, and is good for pleasing crowds of diverse palates. We call it fe-kabeska- e-waba-badath and it is our most downloaded dish. The preparations are so simple even a first tour cargo loader can do it and so thus can you the viewer; first you must acquire a fatty saltwater pworp of between 3.628 and 4 kilograms. It should have good color. Please do not be using the leaner freshwater pworp, as it is the rendering of the fatty tissues which does most to promote the taste of the finished dish. Besides, the freshwater pworp is not pleasing to the eye.

This is a fine example, it should struggle as it is removed from its basin like so, do not drug or abuse the pworp as it negatively impacts the flavoring, and its gill slits should be flaring like so. This one is the very agressive fighter and so should be of excellent pleasantness when eaten, yes. The gill slits should not be purple or otherwise discolored such as with spots or obvious fungal infections, that would indicate you do not have a healthy pworp and should demand a refund from the seller. Always check the credentials of the sellers; this I cannot stress enough, all permits should be in place before you purchase any fresh food stuffs.

With the pworp still vigorous, you must stuff its gills with some asa-abketewap, fresh is always preferable to dried, but dried is accepted if fresh is unavailable. This will cause it to become lethargic, once it is so, you may deposit it into a pot of boiling teebab broth (or crab boil if you prefer which is acceptable for substitution). I keep fresh asa-abketewap in a small airponic window box at home and several at my restaurants to ensure availability.

The asa-abketewap numbs the pworp to the discomfort of being boiled to death at first, giving you opportunity to seal the pot like so with some nice, freshly made sepetep-twka. Now for sauces.

Oh, a reminder first, if you are squeamish about boiling the pworp, have a family member or friend of less delicate constitution do so for you. If you have no friends or family to assist you, most Bwap markets will hire out a tobeb, or "boiling boy" to carry out the deed for a very reasonable fee structure. I started as a tobeb myself, in the great floating market of Deb-swa-kepep, it is a good place for a budding would-be chef to learn the ways of the floating markets. Always tip your tobeb, but do not as they say 'go crazy with it' a simple quarter kebeth will sufficient be.

We will begin our sauce with a bottle of pickled sowape, some athse-as and a fresh sprig of peke-as. A clay pot is preferred for this part of the preparings. These must steep in the juices from the sowape and a cup of the reserved broth and half a cup of a good Terran Chardonnay. Giancarlo Bourdain, a colleague and host of Unreserved, says that a good Promethean Riesling is acceptable but he is a good friend and a filthy liar, so proceed with caution. Some bitter ta and a smidgle of bata-ta- complete the flavoring of the sauce; the sauce should simmer at a low boil for seven hours.

My salivary glands are already quivering in anticipation; once the sauce has boiled it will have reduced to a tick paste, like so here in a previously prepared batch. This is proper.

Ahh, the pworp has ceased struggling; this is a good indicator that it is dead. Please do not break the seal to check, as a fatty pworp is sometimes not as dead as you would hope and this can result in a severe scalding as well as the ruining of the meal. Let it continue to boil another 30 minutes for best taste.

Over hear, I have begun to assemble its bedding; first a layer of butter lettuce and spinach, with a layer of saafab drizzled with olive oil to follow for color. Some pickled olives with saffron and wasabi, and a side of twice stewed kimchee for garnish. So very tasty, I cannot resist.

Now remove the pworp from its boiling, ah soo very nice the fatty pworp. Look at this texture, you do not get this texture from canned pworp or the freshwater varietal. Next you should bleed out the juices and begin gutting it. You can use a gutting hook, but that leaves a mess if you do not know how to use it, I prefer a very sharp chef's knife myself. Reserve its entrails for making pworp stock, or a good cold entrail stew like they used to make back in the creches of Des-swa-kepep. Nothing is better when you have a hot and humid day. When I was a junior cook's apprentice on Marhaban, I would awake every morning in anticipation of a bowl of cold entrail stew and waabe-.

Now the pworp is clean, you must remove its brain for later pickling and stuff its manifold cavities and hollows with ten-seafood paste, known as teaswa. You may buy pre-made teaswa if you wish, I recommend Pravan Foods brand if you do, or you may make your own according to available seafood varieties. At Karwepebsarwa Ethabbabwa we use a blend of christopher, mackerel, long-necked clams, blue crab, a-kaka-abaspeta-we, lune fish, tunga, blue plate, mussels and ba-fothwakwakeaee-. But whatever you use, choose the freshest of course. This is combined with a kelp salad. Together with some sesame dough and Parmesan cheese, the stuffing is complete. This must be thickly packed into all cavities, make sure you do not leave any air pockets.

The oven should be set previously and the stuffed pworp goes right in, with a light bath of the sauce beforehand. Basting is a requirement every 15 minutes for this preparation.

Here is the result, look how it glistens in the studio lights; now scoop the eyes out with a melon baller and stir those into a nice cold bean dip for the bread. The pworp is laid on its bed and you are now ready to serve; I think this one will go with a nice Riesling, such as my friend Giancarlo reccomends and some nice crusty salted bread and soft brie and you have a meal for entertaining...or posssibly for romancing a financially secure lady, yes? Don't forget some cold entrail soup and a hearty bowl of Delmont beans to complete the meal.

I am Sasekweb and you've been Cooking Bawapawab!"